We have a jukebox, the Starlet, and we love her. Presumed to be the only Psychic Jukebox in the universe, she answers your question through popular song. Sometimes she lets you know that you’re on the right track, sometimes she nudges you back on track, and sometimes she cuts right through the bullshit and stares right into your soul.
I know this because I tried to subvert the Starlet. I tried to subvert her and I failed. As I listened to her answers, I grew to love some of the songs, and wanted to hear them again and again. I decided to make a list of all she had to offer, to methodically track each answer she gave, so I could summon them with ease.
I started my project at A-1. I dutifully plugged in ascending numbers, carefully transcribing song titles as each played. As the days went by and my list lengthened, I noticed something puzzling. The answers were changing. Perhaps you don’t believe me, and I don’t know if I would either, but I can assure you that The Psychedelic Furs jumped both letters and numbers and that when I tried to conjure up “leader of the pack”, it simply refused to be conjured.
What I got were answers, even when I had not gone looking for then. Even when I had expressly tried to avoid them. Even when I tried to create an entire system to guarantee that I would not hear an answer. I still heard answers, and the answers were to questions I might never have had the wherewithal to ask aloud. When I tried to listen to Billy Idol, the Starlet let me know that there was kindness in the world, and aiming for “Purple Rain”, she let me know that the only way to take back a mistake is to not make it again.
I’m glad that I was foiled. The idea of returning the Starlet to the oppressive normalcy of regular jukeboxery seems unspeakably cruel. Our starlet has a gift, and I want her to be able to use it. Have you got a question, a feeling, a burning desire? Why don’t you come in and talk to her about it. I know she can help.